If You Can’t Take the Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen!
An approach towards public discourse and evaluating methods of engagement
Few people would say that online discourse is in a healthy place. Arrogance, vile behavior, self-righteous preening, foul language, extreme hostility, cynical rage-baiting, hypocrisy, and inauthentic virtue signaling abound. People attack each other viciously and justify themselves unashamedly. It is understandable why so many people are growing increasingly disillusioned and cynical. However, I think there are some wrong lessons being learned from the ugliness of public discourse.
But know this: Hard times will come in the last days. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, demeaning, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to the form of godliness but denying its power. Avoid these people. (2 Timothy 3:1-5 CSB)
First things first, the Apostle Paul pointed out the nature of the unbelieving world around 2,000 years ago. And this is hardly the earliest verse pointing out the sinful nature of humanity. When human beings are given a platform to speak, such as through social media, we should not be surprised that from such platforms will come a torrent of despicable behavior. Later in 2 Timothy, Paul explains that “Evil people and impostors will become worse, deceiving and being deceived.” (2 Timothy 3:13 CSB). This is going to be true, especially when they are protected by anonymity, tribalism, or just a lack of serious consequences. We should, in fact, expect this when the culture is increasingly godless in nihilistic and hedonistic ways. Far too many people think this is a technological problem (i.e. it’s the fault of social media) rather than a problem of sin and a corrupt culture that is increasingly hostile to Christianity.
At most, social media is an enabler. Technology is not the problem here; our culture and behavior is. Both in what we do and in what we tolerate from others. Also within 2 Timothy we are told, “Be diligent to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who doesn’t need to be ashamed, correctly teaching the word of truth. Avoid irreverent and empty speech, since those who engage in it will produce even more godlessness” (2 Timothy 2:15-16 CSB). If we speak, especially from a platform with any audience at all, we need to avoid irreverent, empty speech and to take care that we correctly teach the word of truth. Those who don’t are sinning, acting just like the unbelieving world, with evil people deceiving and being deceived.
Of course, I don’t think people need much convincing that people could be more gracious and self-controlled either in their speech or in what they put out in public discourse. Regardless of who that person is. It is worth reminding people that those who presume to be Christian, who presume to teach anything about the Christian religion (regardless of whether or not you are a minister/pastor), or who want to say anything of value should carefully control what they say—“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person (Colossians 4:6 CSB)— and watch that they do not get into a habit of “foolish and ignorant disputes” (2 Timothy 2:23).
All of us should strive toward more gracious speech. And to be held accountable for it. Accepting rebuke and correction when given (legitimate admonishment in good faith that is). Any influencer, speaker, minister, or public figure worth listening to, especially those who take on the mantle of speaking on behalf of Christ’s kingdom, is one who will speak with salt, grace, and careful wisdom. When they don’t (and everyone will fall short) they will take to heart Proverbs 12:1 “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but one who hates correction is stupid” and Proverbs 12:15 “A fool’s way is right in his own eyes, but whoever listens to counsel is wise” (both CSB).
There is another side to this. The opposite error of thinking that the cure for malicious invective, a hostile spirit, or outright slander is obsequious passivity and sycophantic people-pleasing. This is the false belief that “Thou Shalt be Nice” is the ruling principle for all engagement or speech, as if it were some hidden 11th commandment, superseding all else. They rightly worry about people tearing each other down self-destructively, but their reaction stems from a place of cowardice and fear of conflict, not from compassion.
The corrective for malicious hostility, gossip, and hypocrisy isn’t spineless acquiescence and compromise. The attitude of fear that reflexively cries out, “can’t we all just get along!”, whenever uncomfortable or passionate discussions occur is not a pursuit of peace. It is cowardice in the face of evil. Just as prideful as hateful gossip, simply in the opposite direction. It is a pride that says truth should be sacrificed on the altar of false unity and false peace. The people who complain about “heresy hunters”, a “divisive spirit”, or “non-essential doctrines” whenever their false teachings, unbiblical positions, or outright wrong takes are called out are exploiting others. They are using “peace” or “compassion” as a shield for their errors. It is a deflection from their sin in order to forego repentance and correction in humility.
This reflects the fundamental error that being “nice” automatically makes you a “good” person, immune to criticism. As if somebody angrily pointing out their false teachings is always in the wrong. This foolishness is one reason people are so readily victims of con artists. Successful con artists rarely act like massive jerks. Instead, they are outright pleasant, even sycophantically so. Telling people sweet lies and whatever they want to hear in a pleasing manner. Some of the most predatory and depraved people that exist are shockingly charismatic and polite.
The same person who wrote a command to pastors that “The Lord’s servant must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone, able to teach, and patient, instructing his opponents with gentleness” (2 Timothy 2:24-25a CSB) also clearly said that “We demolish arguments and every proud thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to obey Christ. And we are ready to punish any disobedience, once your obedience is complete.” (2 Corinthians 10:4b-6).
Let no one deceive you with empty arguments, for God’s wrath is coming on the disobedient because of these things. Therefore, do not become their partners. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light — for the fruit of the light consists of all goodness, righteousness, and truth — testing what is pleasing to the Lord. Don’t participate in the fruitless works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what is done by them in secret. (Ephesians 5:6-12)
Putting this concept into practice, the Apostle Paul even confronted the Apostle Peter. Not subtly, but openly and to his face! Recording this event for all of us to witness in posterity. God sovereignly included several humiliating accounts involving Peter for us in Scripture. The account of Paul’s confrontation is recorded in Galatians:
But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face because he stood condemned. For he regularly ate with the Gentiles before certain men came from James. However, when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, because he feared those from the circumcision party. Then the rest of the Jews joined his hypocrisy, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. But when I saw that they were deviating from the truth of the gospel, I told Cephas in front of everyone, “If you, who are a jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you compel Gentiles to live like Jews?” (Galatians 2:11-14 CSB)
Jesus himself, just after telling Peter he was blessed and giving the teachings of the keys, openly rebuked him in front of everyone else!
From then on Jesus began to point out to his disciples that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders, chief priests, and scribes, be killed, and be raised the third day. Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, “Oh no, Lord! This will never happen to you!” Jesus turned and told Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me because you’re not thinking about God’s concerns but human concerns.” (Matthew 16:21-23 CSB)
Take care to note that this was one Apostle publicly rebuking another Apostle. Even recording it for others to read about. This was not Jesus rebuking the Pharisees or a rebuke of an open apostate, degenerate unbeliever, or perpetrator of grievous evil. Jesus, being the one who can provide a perfect example of behavior, rather clearly said that what he came to bring would cause division and conflict.
“Therefore, everyone who will acknowledge me before others, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever denies me before others, I will also deny him before my Father in heaven. Don’t assume that I came to bring peace on the earth. I did not come to bring peoace, but a sword. For I came to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. The one who loves a father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; the one who loves a son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever doesn’t take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Anyone who finds his life will lose it, and anyone who loses his life because of me will find it.” (Matthew 11:32-39 CSB)
The point of all this is to show that, first, this world is filled with evil people who will blaspheme, mock, insult, spread gossip, and lie. That existed long before social media, and we should neither be surprised by it nor unprepared for it. This is the world we live in. A world of spiritual warfare where the Church opposes the vast powers of darkness. A world filled to the brim with depravity, self-righteousness, and lies. We do not get to shirk our duties in this war. Failing to confront evil is craven dereliction, not peacemaking. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. If you can’t handle the conflict that will inevitably occur, that means you are immature and just in the way. You need to let the adults handle things. Your opinion is not worth anything if you aren’t ready to handle the “heat” that inevitably comes from working in the “kitchen.” Do not confuse your fear with humility.
Second, we are called to engage with people. The same Peter who was rebuked publicly tells us that “even if you should suffer for righteousness, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear or be intimidated, but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, ready at any time to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you. Yet do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that when you are accused, those who disparage your good conduct in Christ will be put to shame.” (1 Peter 3:14-16 CSB)
We need to be ready to give a defense, just without being a vulgar and insolent jerk. Yet again, if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. That means you cannot have a thin skin. If, like a child, you are incapable of taking insults, accusations, or rebuke from others in stride, then you are not ready for the kitchen. You have to be able to offer rebuke while controlling your tongue and accept rebuke in humility. Being unable to do either means you are still immature. You are just in the way of everyone else doing the work of the kingdom. The apostle Peter was rebuked to his face in front of other people. Rather than acting like a fool, he repented. He did not turn his rebuke around on Paul. He did not defend his behavior by saying that this wasn’t “essential teaching.” He didn’t respond defensively.
Public discourse is a place filled with vile language, vile behavior, and vile lies. Slander, gossip, hatred, blasphemy, debauchery, and self-righteousness will always exist because “The light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than the light because their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the light and avoids it, so that his deeds may not be exposed. But anyone who lives by the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be shown to be accomplished by God.” (John 3:19-21 CSB). This will remain the case until Jesus himself returns on Judgment Day. The Christian approach to public discourse is to grow a spine, because we know Jesus has already won this war. We can speak boldly. Do not wish for “nice” discourse filled with feel-good lies and hidden hatreds. Measure your speech, so that you speak with salt and wisdom, but do not equate wisdom with fear or flattery.